so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
