What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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