almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
