beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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