Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
