God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
