when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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