dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
