I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
