i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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