Your face is a jimmy john
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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