That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
