good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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