He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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