I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
