im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
