At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
