do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
