it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
