If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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