My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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