3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
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I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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