So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
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No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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