I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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