i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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