what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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