You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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