super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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