never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
