I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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