maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
