she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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