Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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