Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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