I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm both gender and math confused
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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