I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
