Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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