My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
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i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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