Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
