Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
