I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize