I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
