her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
