I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
