I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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