I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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