Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
