I feel like abortions should bother me more
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
