she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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