what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
