I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
