I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
