Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
