I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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