and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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