I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
