dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
