She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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