We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
