you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
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These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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