you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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