i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
