so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
