there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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