He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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