I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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