when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
