apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
