my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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