I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
