i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? đđ
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Donât drink the Bloody Mary - itâs vodka and salsa.
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