apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
BRING THE BAGELS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
