I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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