I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
