It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
