Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
