Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
