I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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